How do you change the way you are, the person you have become, due to the experiences you’ve had since infancy, which have molded you into what you are today? People say, start by changing the way you think, the way you perceive people and the world around you. How is that possible when you constantly encounter the same or similar type of humans every direction you turn? Is it so strange that I’ve for many years now chosen to isolate myself and live on my own far out in the country/forest? People ask me, “how can you live way out there all by yourself, with only your animals as company”? How? Believe me, it’s much easier than having to live with people that are fake to the core and only have their own interests at hand. That don’t honestly give a shit what your answer is when they smilingly ask you: “How are you?”. Are you really sure you want to know that answer? I don’t think so, I think if I’d even start to tell you a fraction of what I feel when I’m out and about, you’d scream in terror and run as fast as your legs could carry you, just to get away from the “monster” I’ve become… Don’t ask questions if you’re not prepared to deal with the answers… I value my freedom and have therefor chosen to live the way I do. Not for your sake, as I couldn’t give a shit if you live or die… I live this way so that *I* can live and be free, without risking getting locked up and someone throwing away the key. Not having to be under constant medication, which is a necessity, if I have to spend more than a few hours in town.
So, what and whom do I care about, apart from my animals and the man that has chosen to dare live with me on occasion… Granted, he has his own problems that are in a lot of ways similar to my own and we give each other the space we need to not go off the deep end…. I care about my children and no one else… I care about their welfare and happiness… There is NOTHING I wouldn’t do for them. if and when the situation arises where they need me. I am their mother and it is my job to protect them, regardless of how old they are. My son whom is now 28 years old and has put me through hell and back on more occasions than I can remember, is still my son whom I love unconditionally. It’s called a mothers love and something every child deserves. Something I’ve NEVER had but promised myself that come hell or sunshine, it is something my children will ALWAYS have. This is something he knows and that I have proven to him time and time again over the years. One phone call to me, and I’m there, prepared to fight whatever it might be. Same with my daughter of 30 which is slightly mentally disabled. She knows she can count on me to ALWAYS protect her and her rights. Now the people in charge of where she lives have decided that it would be easier for them, if I was out of the picture and have filed with the court for legal guardianship over her. Problem is, she’s not that handicapped and well on her way in her development to soon be able to have an apartment of her own and responsible of her own life and all the decisions regarding what SHE WANTS here in life. Found this out quite by accident when I was with her at a doctors appointment last week, as we needed a document from the doctor which states that my daughter is mentally fit to be responsible for her own medication… Doctor informed us that she had received a form to fill out that needed to be sent in to the court in regards to my daughters mental condition, so that the caretakers at my daughters living facility would have full control over her and I’d be completely out of the picture… I am fully aware that their jobs would be easier if I didn’t “meddle” with their decisions… I know I’m a bitch and that I don’t take any form of shit from them when it comes to my daughter. Quite the contrary when it comes to many of the other parents of those that live there, that don’t give a rats ass about their loved ones once they’ve placed them in the care of others… I make a point of being a part of EVERYTHING that concerns my daughter. This is something that SHE wants, as she knows that as long as I’m there to protect her and her best interests, nothing and no one can go against her wishes, as long as they’re reasonable and not to far out there… So, once again the mother WOLF has awakened in me and I’m gearing up for a fight. Have contacted the court which is in charge of her case, have talked to the boss of the home my daughter lives in and have put a screeching halt to this “overtake” of my daughter and things are now being looked at more closely. I’m angry, or rather change that to FURIOUS!! This is MY daughter and they will NOT revoke my rights as her mother and to be able to take part in the decisions that are made in regards to her free will! Thread carefully little people, as you have no idea who or what you are dealing with… Have also filled legal charges against those that have started this whole mess and yes, I’m out for blood… Don’t mess with me and mine, you’ll find yourself in hot and deep water with nowhere to turn. I have a lifetime experience of fighting for what I believe in and when it comes to my children… You don’t want to go there….
Fighting My PTSD Demons 