Today is NOT a good day for me… I am soooo tired. I am so tired of waking up every fucking morning crying like a freakin baby. Why am I crying? I have no clue… I’m just tired… Today I tried to think about why I was so sad and upset and first thing that came to mind was… Because you woke up…. Now, I’m NOT suicidal and have so far at least NEVER been. I’m one of these “crazy” people that believe in reincarnation and there’s no way in HELL that I’d want to do this life over again. As I believe that every life has a lesson to be learned. If you don’t learn it this one, you have to repeat it next one…. NOPE, not going there….
I have an appointment with my therapist today. Haven’t seen her in 2 weeks and have a mother load of stuff to talk about that’s happened since I saw her last. Everything from waking up last Saturday morning to find my right arm being more or less paralyzed, my handicapped daughter having to move home to us due to the staff at her group home being total assholes the past year or more… She’s autistic/ashberger/OCD and whatever else. have never gotten a proper diagnose on her, even though I’ve begged and begged for one, as it would make life easier for everyone, her included if she had one…
Therese (my daughter) has her routines, as everyone with autism has and you CAN’T just change those just because it’s easier (staff) for you… They changed them again, this time telling her that she couldn’t have her weekly allowance until she had cleaned the litter box for her cat. Therese routine is that she changes it in the afternoon and not morning… This caused major strife and Therese got so pissed off that she grabbed what was closest to her ( an empty small plastic soda bottle) and flung it across the room hitting the window.. Unfortunately, her cat was sitting underneath the window and got scared but not hurt in any way or form, or touched by anything… Therese, as pissed as she was cleaned the litter box, got her allowance and that should have been the end of it…. NOPE….
Therese had calmed down and was sitting watching one of her soaps on TV when the doorbell rang again and she saw through the peep hole that it was 2 of the staff standing outside with an empty cat carrier…. She understood what was about to happen but opened the door and let them in anyway… They told her that they didn’t feel she was appropriate to have a cat, so they had decided to take it away from her… Therese’s lost it BIG TIME, grabbed a stick and said, Ok, then I guess I should just kill her instead, since I’m not allowed to keep her… Of course, I agree, this is not acceptable behavior… but she never swung at the cat, it was just her mouthing off her anger and she smacked herself in the head repeatedly and also banged her elbow on the doorpost several times, so hard that when I finally got to see her arm, it was more black than blue all the way from her elbow to her shoulder. Did the staff check this out? Nope…
Therese called me ASAP on the phone crying and I asked her to put the staff on the phone…. Talked to one of them (Maria) and asked what had happened. Got her version, which was more or less the same as I had gotten from Therese. Told them ok I agree, this is not acceptable behavior, take the cat for 2 weeks and I’ll have some serious talks with Therese about how to treat your pet… This Maria agreed to + Therese has paid for all the expenses while Maria has had the cat… Therese left her apartment to stay with her boyfriend, since she didn’t want to be there without her cat. She stayed with him for one week and the week after both her and her boyfriend stayed out here with us.
When it was time for her to go back to her apartment and we had had SEVERAL discussions of what is appropriate behavior when owning a pet, she said she understood but also that she had not intended to hurt the cat, she hadn’t even seen that the cat was sitting under the window… Therese has grown up with my cats, which have been MANY, since I have am a registered breeder of British Shorthair cats and also very much involved with rescue cats. She has NEVER treated any of the cats or kittens in an inappropriate way. All of my cats love her and they pile up on her and she loves them all…. She has NEVER treated her boyfriends cat bad and they also love her… She called the staff and told them to tell Maria that she was coming home the next day, that she understood the rules and that she wanted Maria to bring her cat home to her. Staff told her that Maria had just left and was now on vacation and not reachable… I took the phone from Therese and told the staff on the other end that I didn’t give a royal shit if Maria had gone on vacation, they had her home number as well as cell number and all they had to do was call this woman and TELL her to bring the cat and if she didn’t, she’d have to deal with me!
Maria called Therese the day after and told her that SHE had decided that SHE couldn’t allow Therese to have her cat back and was going to keep her, since she now was at ease and comfortable living with her and her family…. Therese just handed me the phone and really started crying HARD…. I talked with this woman and told her that she had NO choice in the matter since it IS Therese cat and that the agreement was that she would have custody of the cat for 2 weeks, while I would make sure Therese understood what was right and what was wrong… NOPE… If I tried to get the cat back, she said she would file charges for animal cruelty against Therese…
She went on to say that she had done this as a private person and I told her… “Sweetheart, you did this while you were on the clock working but not only that, the other staff member that was with you and was holding the cat carrier, is also in deep shit… add to that the whole team that was working that day had discussed that they were going to take the cat from Therese and if you even try to file animal cruelty charges against my daughter, I will slap so much shit on you AND your colleagues, that you will wish you never were born… And I hung up…. Called her boss, which of course was on vacation, so I got to talk to someone that had no clue about anything… Called the cops and they told me that NO this is NOT something Maria or her colleagues could do without the police or animal rescue/control being involved. Told me to just tell this woman that I had bought the cat from Therese and go pick it up…
Tried calling this woman for 3 days without her picking up.. Which of course made me even more pissed off… Called more of the bosses in charge of the staff and raised HELL literally. Told them that I was going to file charges not only against Maria but against the whole system, as well as contact the newspapers and TV news telling them the whole story, as this was NOT the first thing that had gone wrong and that they had caused harm to my daughter on several occasions. Just to list a few of the things that have happened over the past 2 years…
We had an emergency here at home and needed to get in touch with the staff late one night but the phone was constantly busy… Kept trying for the better part of 3 hours and finally Therese managed to get hold of the cellphone number to the guy that was on night duty… He answered sleepily and I asked him why the hell he didn’t answer the phone… His answer: “Because I took off the receiver so I could sleep…..” DUH!!?? Get a job at McDonalds asshole!! You are required to be on duty during the night, even if it means you are allowed to sleep when everything is peaceful… He got fired…
Next thing…. Strange men would come up to Therese apartment with pizza’s wanting to trade for sex…. (Therese apartment was right next door to the staff’s apartment) I told this to the staff and said DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! Nope…. Therese was out here with me one weekend when this one man called to see if she was home so that he could come over with a “pizza”… I grabbed the phone from her and coldly told him that if he EVER dared come within spitting distance of my daughter again, I would grab him, cut his dick off and shove it up his ass and if I wasn’t strong enough to do this myself, I would hire someone to hold him down while I did it!! Never heard from him again….
Next thing…. Therese was raped in her apartment by her then boyfriends “normal” friend… T’s bf (also handicapped) was to scared to do anything and just sat there playing with his cellphone while his girlfriend was getting raped on the sofa next to him…. He didn’t even dare to get up and press the panic button next to the door to bring the staff in STAT…. Only thing he did was break up with T afterwards, claiming she had been unfaithful…. *grrrr* Therese called me 3 days later telling me that her boyfriend had broken up with her due to her being unfaithful and that his mother had also called her, yelling at her telling her she was a whore and all sorts of evil names, but that they were together again but it was a secret, since her BF didn’t want his parents to find out that they were together again….
Now, I know my daughter and I KNOW that she has never previously been unfaithful and broken up with one guy before she’s had any kind of relationship with someone new… So I started asking her questions about the so called unfaithfulness… She hadn’t gotten long into the story before I understood that she had not had consensual sex. She had said NO several times and also tried to push him away, when he (Patrik) had started to make his advances. But him being a bodybuilder and also a martial arts fighter, she didn’t have a chance.
She told me she had begged her BF to help her but he didn’t even look in her direction but kept his eyes fixed on his cellphone looking at pictures and such on it…. So finally she resigned and let him have is way with her… I told her, Therese, you have NOT been unfaithful, you have been raped!! I also told her that her current BF was an asshole and that his mother was even worse… I’ve had many verbal fights with that alcoholic bitch during the 2 years Therese dated Daniel. I asked Therese if she was up to filing charges of rape against Patrik. She was quiet for a few minutes and then said yes… I then called her brother Mike, as I realized that with my temper, I would most likely just make matters WORSE… Mike hit the ceiling but said of course I’ll step up and take care of what needs to be done…. He called the cops and also accompanied her to the police station and sat with her during the 4 hour interview…. I called T’s BF’s mother and told her that her son was going to be called as a witness to the rape. Daniel’s mother was very pissed and said absolutely, “I will NOT allow you to do this to my son…” I told her she had no say in the matter and also told her exactly how I felt about how she had treated Therese the day after the rape, calling her a whore and everything else and also telling her that she should be very grateful that she was on the phone with me and not face to face, as I would not be responsible for my actions and would most likely beat her to a pulp!! At that point her husband took over the phone and I explained to him what had happened and that Daniel would be called as a witness. He had more “brains” and said of course, if this is what has happened, Daniel will have to step up and tell the truth…
It took over 1 year before the case went to trial. I called the investigator in charge and asked him to be truthful with me and if the reason this was taking so long was due to Therese being handicapped… His answer was, “I’m sorry but yes”… To make a long story very short. Therese lost in court, since it could not be proven with 100 percent certainty that she had been raped and not had consensual sex…. Therese was devastated… Then her STUPID staff have the gall to complain that Therese is uncooperative, angry, etc. etc. etc…. I asked them what the hell they were thinking…. For gods sake, she’s been raped, she’s been to court and lost. How the hell do you expect her to react? Be all happy, laugh and pretend nothing has happened….. Are all of you stupid or just fucking ignorant?? She has received NO counseling, or support from anyone other than us family. Why? Most likely due to her being handicapped, she’s not important… I know it’s not right but that doesn’t change how it feels…
Next thing…. Day before this past Christmas, T slipped and fell on her balcony and couldn’t get up on her own… She managed to crawl to her phone and call the staff…. They came, looked at her foot, wrapped it in an elastic bandage and that was it…. All the kids were spending Christmas out here with us, so she managed to get down the two flights of stairs in her apartment building on her butt to get to the taxi… Out here she scooted on her butt up the slight hill and up the stairs to the font door… I helped her up (had no idea of what had happened) and more or less carried her to one of my recliners… Took her sock off and the elastic bandage was so tightly wrapped and since the foot had swollen,it was more or less almost completely reddish/black… Took the elastic bandage off and examined her foot, told her that she really needed to go to the ER and get an x-ray but she’s a stubborn kid and said no, I don’t want to spend Christmas alone in the hospital… OK… Day after Christmas we drove her to the ER and after X-ray’s we found out that she had broken her ankle in 3 places…. Called staff and yelled at them AGAIN…. Told them that if one of their patients/tenant’s/whatever the hell it’s called in English has a slip and fall and can’t get up on their own…. THEY HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO CALL AN AMBULANCE!!
There have been soooooo many other things that have happened when it comes to the staff interacting with Therese, causing fights which I completely blame the staff for, causing Therese getting the blame for that I am now totally FED UP!! I am out for blood and heads are going to roll so to speak….
Add to this my son Mike and is fucking relationship with and unfaithful idiot, that’s not even smart enough to cover his tracks… Mike’s Borderline and him taking it out on me. My paralyzed arm, my depression, anxiety, stress yada, yada, yada… I am about to go ballistic…. I have chronic back pain and right now my pain meds aren’t doing shit for me…. I’ve asked my doctor if I could exchange one of them for another kind for at least one month or so, so I can get a little peace at least when it comes to my back but NOPE… Can’t do that… You could become addicted…. Well DUH, I’m already taking Tramadol which is similar to Oxy, what’s the fucking problem? I’m not asking to have both at the same time. All I am asking is if I could exchange one of them for a different type for a few months, since the ones I am currently taking are obviously not working right now and it doesn’t matter if I’ve quadrupled the max dose, they still don’t do shit… Hell, I don’t even get high off of them and never have, so what’s the fucking problem??? Right now, I can’t deal with both the physical and the psychological pain. One I can handle but both…. Nope, I feel like I’m going totally insane….
//
Fighting My PTSD Demons 