So what does my life look like today?? Am I constantly bitching like I have in the posts I have previously written? Honestly? Yes and No… Of course I do some major bitching, especially here on my blog where I let all my emotions run wild and try to get all the crap I carry around within me out of my system. Does it work? Njaaaa…. Sometimes and sometimes not… I know that some of you might think, “Who is this whiny bitch? What’s her problem and what gives her the right to seemingly assume she’s the only person in the world that has been dealt a shitty hand?” Who am I? I am who I am. Good sides, bad sides and downright evil sides at times. I AM ME…. Am I suppose to feel better knowing there are others in the world that feel worse than I do?? Sorry, it doesn’t work that way… Hell, sometimes I wish it did!!
Your pain and my pain are different from each other and no one can compare their own personal pain to someone else’s pain… If I stub my toe and you stub your toe the exact same way, whose toe hurts the most, your toe or mine? Answer is simple, they both hurt. What differs is how we each perceive the hurt itself… You’re hurt might feel as if it is unbearable, whereas my hurt might not bother me the least bit. It has to do with our different individual pain thresholds and how we each perceive and experience pain… Similar to how different women experience the pain of childbirth. Some love giving birth, making a new life and 2 grunts later a new baby/life is born, whereas others feel it is the worst experience they’ve ever been through and all they remember is the pain involved in the actual childbirth.. Different thresholds of pain and what people deem to be painful or unbearable…
Take me for instance, I fell and broke my leg/ankle and I basically felt no pain at all. Girl in the hospital bed next to me was crying and whining all day and night over the pain, to the point where I wanted to hit her over the head with her bedpan just to shut her up…, even though we had the exact same fracture… Once again, different thresholds of pain…
Working alone as head chef in my son’s restaurant on an extremely busy day last summer, I accidentally chopped off the tip of my left ring finger stressing while chopping salad… Swore like hell but didn’t have the time to stop and go to the doctor. Washed my finger, disinfected it, wrapped it in several layers of gauze and bandages, cut off the finger of a new rubber glove and rolled it onto my finger like a condom of sort, searched for the severed fingertip, threw it in the garbage, threw away the salad I had been chopping, took out a new chopping board, new head of salad, changed knife and continued with the salad, as well as serving lunch for 60+ customers over the next 2 hours… Didn’t have the time or luxury to let this get in the way of what I needed to do, as I didn’t have anyone I could call to take over my job… When my shift was over, I went to the ER and had my finger tip stitched. Did it hurt? Yes! Was it unbearable? No! Could I still function at 100%? No, but 90% was sufficient…
What I am in a strange way trying to say is that physical pain alone is no problem for me… My problem is with psychological pain, whereas yet others don’t seem to have a problem with that type of pain… What is it that makes us react so differently to various types of pain? I don’t know… I’ll let you know when I figure it out…
On the other hand having chronic muscle pain throughout my entire body as well as PTSD, will some days completely push me over the edge of so called sanity. Experiencing just one of them on a daily basis, is at times all can handle. Having both simultaneously can be excruciating, as one condition tends to boost the other to unbearable levels and makes everyday life a living hell!!
Fighting My PTSD Demons 